Laser Pinocchio is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.
Well, that whole slavery thing doesn’t exactly get over with most people in 2014, and I imagine it polls even worse with the average Tumblr user. Now, people like to defend the Confederacy by using the argument that the Confederates were fighting for their independence and it wasn’t just about slavery, and there’s certainly some truth to that. But, let’s be honest, Confederates were fighting for their independence mostly so that they could continue to be free to keep slaves and introduce slavery into newly-gained American territories.
I mean, liking the Confederacy for their national anthem is like being a fan of the Nazis because of the flawless choreography at their rallies.
I’ve always thought he looks like Bill Maher.
Random red couch, McDonald’s: The most annoyingly twee commercial jingle of the year, but because there is some competence at work, it is catchy (just like other maladies such as tuberculosis or Rascal Flatts) and so winds up getting stuck in your head. It doesn’t help that every actor is such a stereotypical hipster that you have to fight the urge to punch the TV every time this ad comes on.
Flyers/Bruins treadmill ladies, GEICO: Would be just another bland, haha rivalries commercial if not for choosing two teams that aren’t rivals in any sense of the word. I bet if you polled fans of each team, asking them to name their top 10 most hated opponents, the best that either the Flyers or Bruins would rank with each other is 9th.
Chris Paul, inventor of the assist, State Farm: In a continuation of State Farm’s inability to distinguish between athletic and acting talent (see Rodgers, Aaron), they give us a bizarre tale of Chris Paul’s long-lost twin, Cliff. This installment is particularly infuriating as it gives us some “historical background” on these twins and how they invented the assist. What drives this commercial so far up the irritability scale that I am resisting the urge to scream “FUCK YOU STATE FARM” at the top of my lungs as I write this is the complete and utter lack of historical accuracy. In the original rules of the game as written by Dr. James Naismith, passing is the only way to move the ball. Dribbling the ball is not permitted; in fact, dribbling originated as bounce-passing the ball to oneself. So positing that passing was invented in the 1920’s is a more egregious error than if someone chose to cast Peter Dinklage as Abraham Lincoln.
I wonder how many people have a similar reaction to Labour MP Ed Balls. I know I do.
That’s right…eleven. That’s how many replies and/or comments in my inbox I received from readers who mentioned something about how funny the name “Butt” or “Major Butt” sounds.
Quite frankly, I’d like to think that this blog is a bit more high-brow than that, but I’m a 34-year-old man who laughed…
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the dollar theater and saw American Hustle. It was quite a fun movie, although I admit part of why I found it fun is that I have a bizarre nostalgia for the 1970’s even though I was born in 1987. Also enjoyable: Amy Adams wearing low cut tops pretty much the whole time. This also seems like as good a time as any to mention that a high school girl in a class I was subbing for told me I looked like Bradley Cooper. I don’t resemble him at all other than having a beard, but I’ll take the compliment.